I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
