Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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