What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
