Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
