I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize