My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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