Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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