the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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