i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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