I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
