My brain says no but my pants say off.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
