my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
