I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
