So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
