you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
