I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
