My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
