doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
