And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
