according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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