I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
