Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Quick, to the slutcave!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
