My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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