Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
