I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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