I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just gift wrapped bread.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
