I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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