dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize