Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
