yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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