Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
