tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
