my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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