I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
