Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This couple is walking their pig around campus
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
