I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
