i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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