Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
