I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
