Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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