I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
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I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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