So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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