woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
