i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!