so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
