Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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