Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
