I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
love makes seman taste better
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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