well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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