I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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