u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
