Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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