Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
