Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
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i am craving dick and cupcakes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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