I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
