you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
