So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
