His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
