Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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