I just cut my nipple shaving
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
