I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
