we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
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Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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