Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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