I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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