I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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