woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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