forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
