So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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