Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
