I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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