just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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