And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
