if you like me you must not know who I am
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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