The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
